Cover letter!?

I can't believe how much more stressful job hunting became when I realized I sent my resume out to multiple employers without a cover letter. And now that I'm really doing my research and honing in on the topic, all I see written on every site is Never send a resume without a cover letter. So fail.

Some of the responses from my amateur emails actually reveal a glimmer of hope though. I can't help but think... man.. there's no way that I will have applied to all these places and absolutely no one wants me lol. Trying really hard to keep that chin up. Some things are actually starting to look promising. I try to comfort myself by flashing the constant reminder that I haven't even graduated yet and I haven't applied to that many places so it's okay to not have anything set in stone yet. It's okay. IT'S OKAY.

Damnit but stupid cover letter. Shit done ruined my day.

Finding peace of mind is so hard these days..

Deeenie

Yesterday one of my autistic kids finally learned my name, but he calls me "Deenie" instead of Darlene. It's so cute, I could explode. He has apraxia of speech (a disorder of muscle incoordination) so everything he says sounds a little off and jargon-like. It actually makes him 10x cuter. I especially love when he says "no inky" (for "no thank you"). God I'm gonna miss that kid. I'm going to miss all those kiddos. Again I got so attached to my clients & it is a sucky (in lack of a better word) realization that I have to leave them, but I wish the best for all of them nonetheless.

I can still remember my first client in undergrad. I wonder how he's doing. I wonder if he is a pro at saying his "r" sound now; I bet he is. From time to time I think about the client I had at PanAm. I wonder what he's upto now, 2 years later. Is he verbal now? Is he communicating with others more appropriately? And my elderly client with anomic aphasia, who had a genius IQ pre-stroke & was always so grumpy coming to therapy.. how's he doing? I can still recall how he gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the forehead at our last session together & it almost brought me to tears. I just wish I could somehow get an update on those that I've worked with in the past.

I'm going to come across many people in my life, and it's just so painstakingly hard to not care for them & grow attached. Hopefully one day I will learn how to inhibit all these emotions that I feel when I have to leave them or when they have to leave me. It's gonna be a toughie.

Anyway. Still searching for that perfect job..

Cynical

Clearly, the easiest way to make yourself feel like shit is to compare yourself to others who are seemingly better off. I just need to stop. I need to think about myself, and worry about what I'm doing, because being in a contest with everyone is no fun. Of course I'll lose! Of course.

If I really put my heart into the job-hunt, would I have a job right now? Maybe. Half-assing all my applications, leaving some incomplete, forgetting to fax my resume plus other important documents, etc etc. And you know what? It DOESN'T help that I have no earthly idea where the hellllll I'm going to live -- because then I am left applying for clinics & school districts ALL over the humongous state of Texas. Life would be so much easier if I were decisive. Just stating the obvious!

It goes without say that I lied when I said "game face on"; my game face has been tucked away in a drawer for awhile. I don't even know which drawer it's in.

And while I'm retracting statements, I should probably toss this one in..

"Not all is lost though -- I am successful, I am smart, and most of all, I am strong." In all honesty, I am compelled to re-edit what I said & make it look like this ==> "I am successful, I am smart (sometimes -- mostly when it comes to academics, not so much for real-life situations), and most of all, I am strong and that's about it." lol

I wonder why I feel like a total masochist right now? Oh wait, because I am one. Go figure.

And so it continues

Today's interview went so well that I felt like dancing when I left the administration building. It could've been because the interviewer was such a sweetheart, so I'm sure everyone who interviewed with her left with a good feeling. If I plan to work in a school district, positions won't start opening up til the school year is over. So chances are I won't know where to go or what to do for the next couple weeks. Up in the air, as usual. Just something I'm going to have to deal with. I guess it wouldn't hurt to apply everywhere just for the hell of it. If I end up jobless, I will tattoo the word "failure" in big bold letters on my huge forehead.

At the very least, I've crossed both Houston and McAllen off my list.. which is ironic because SLPs earn the most in those cities. Why not Houston? Because my job offer is in a "bad area" & that doesn't sit well with my paranoia. Why not McAllen? Because. Just because.

Anyway. Saw this and I thought it was brilliant:
“Some women choose to follow men and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up in the morning and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore” - Lady Gaga

It all makes sense now

How could I have been so blind? It was so obvious..

MY bad.

Never settle with being content

When someone said that to me, I really took it to heart.

Last night, some friends pep-talked me into moving (almost felt like they were anxious to get rid of me :P). They told me something that I pretty much tell myself everyday: "If there were ever a time to start over, it would be now. Do it". So we went back and forth, discussing the pros and cons of various places, and I was still stuck on staying in Dallas because I'm eh okay here & a little lazy to move. So to solve this dilemma like mature adults, we flipped a coin. Heads I move, tails I stay. And yup, you guessed it -- heads 2 outta 3. But really? Is the flip of a coin going to decide my future? No. Neither coins nor my friends are going to dictate the decisions in my life because ultimately it really is up to me. And from now til graduation, I will probably update on nothing else but my current state of confusion.

In my ideal world, everything would just work itself out and I will not have to lift a finger. Alas, I don't live in an ideal world, so I guess it's time to be proactive. Game face on!

On my way

"Congratulations! It is a pleasure to inform you of the faculty's decision that you have satisfactorily completed the Master's Comprehensive Examination in Speech-Pathology."

By far, the best letter I've ever opened in my life.