Cynical

Clearly, the easiest way to make yourself feel like shit is to compare yourself to others who are seemingly better off. I just need to stop. I need to think about myself, and worry about what I'm doing, because being in a contest with everyone is no fun. Of course I'll lose! Of course.

If I really put my heart into the job-hunt, would I have a job right now? Maybe. Half-assing all my applications, leaving some incomplete, forgetting to fax my resume plus other important documents, etc etc. And you know what? It DOESN'T help that I have no earthly idea where the hellllll I'm going to live -- because then I am left applying for clinics & school districts ALL over the humongous state of Texas. Life would be so much easier if I were decisive. Just stating the obvious!

It goes without say that I lied when I said "game face on"; my game face has been tucked away in a drawer for awhile. I don't even know which drawer it's in.

And while I'm retracting statements, I should probably toss this one in..

"Not all is lost though -- I am successful, I am smart, and most of all, I am strong." In all honesty, I am compelled to re-edit what I said & make it look like this ==> "I am successful, I am smart (sometimes -- mostly when it comes to academics, not so much for real-life situations), and most of all, I am strong and that's about it." lol

I wonder why I feel like a total masochist right now? Oh wait, because I am one. Go figure.