Tiiiime on my hands

How to allot this excess time I have now that I don't have to study intensely for exams... hmmm...I just don't know.

I'm starting to feel really silly right about now. Everytime someone would ask me if I was moving back home after graduation, I vehemently rejected the idea -- vehemently. And now.. I'm actually considering it. What is this sudden shift in my perception? Well, I can only imagine how much cheaper living in the valley would be. Significantly higher pay. Significantly lower standard of living. Plus I could land a job so effin quick. In Dallas, I probably have to put forth a lot more effort. Although I've gotta consider the trade-off here.

The struggle of "finding myself and where I fit in" is, much to my surprise, not anywhere remotely close to being over. I don't feel like I belong in Dallas. I don't feel like I belong in McAllen. I'm scared to venture outside the realm of my comfort zone to live anywhere else besides the two. I feel so lost and it's, in lack of a better word, pathetic. I am constantly having to remind myself time and time again that I'm still young and it's okay to be this hopelessly confused, but with my Type A personality, it's a lost cause. Oh well. I'll give myself til age 25 to get shit figured out. Hopefully by then I will have the stability and peace of mind that I am so desperately craving right now.

Anyway. My job at the daycare feels like it's getting worse and worse, and I'm too chickenshit to just quit. Sometimes typically developing kids can be a pain in the ass.