Melting Pot

I've relied far too much on retail therapy this whole month to keep me sane. Now I'm dirt poor.

Not excited about Christmas shopping this year. Expect the most random gifts from me, if you're lucky enough to get a gift at all ;) Shopping for Christmas gifts always fills me with anxiety, when it really shouldn't. Gift-giving is not the reason for the season.

I'm feeling a such a variety of emotions right now. Let's pinpoint each one, shall we?

Stressed - Finals are looming over my horizon. Thank goodness I only have to take 3 exams, and thank God they are so well spread apart. So I can cram for them separately. Ehhh. I feel like there's so much pressure for me to maintain my perfect GPA, but I'm bringing this pressure upon myself. Future employers won't care what my GPA is. My parents don't care what it is, as long as I get that Masters degree. So it's really standards I've set for myself. I always take pride in how much drive I have, considering I'm the only one motivating myself. Pretty much no one else cares. lol

Nervous - I'm hesitant about going through with this, but something way deep down inside is telling me this is the right thing to do. At the very least, it's a stepping stone to the right thing to do. I can't go in depth with this one, because I respect people's privacy, so I'll keep the situation to myself. I just hope awkward moments are kept to a minimum. In my ideal world, awkward moments would be nonexistant. Let's aim for that.

Fat - Is "fat" an emotion? I'm going to treat it as one. Anyway, I've gained 5 lbs this month -- 5 lbs that are seemingly impossible to lose. I love food too much to do any hardcore dieting. And exercising has proven to be counterproductive for me. And even when I do diet and exercise, I've yet to overcome the plateau that I hit 3 months ago. I do appreciate the people that acknowledged the 10-12 lbs I shed over the past 6 months.. it's been a long journey.

Happy - Life in general is going very good for me (again, jinx). More and more everyday I come to realize that I am very blessed. I really do have such a great network of love and support from my friends & family. I'm a healthy girl (according to my gyno haha) and I'm pursuing a career that I adore. I'm independent & it's good to know I can live alone & manage to take care of myself. I'm lucky. Sometimes I really do have to write it out to remind myself.

/edit/ I came to school with a dirty hoodie and wrinkled sweatpants. Truly the epitome of a bum. Oh how nice to have this blog replace Facebook in preventing me from paying attention during lecture. My mind really hasn't been on school for a very long time. This semester flew by, and I am extremely fatigued considering I feel like I hardly did and/or learned anything..? Oh well. I say the majority of things I have learned in life were learned through experience anyway, not in a classroom. I really do like my professors though, and I feel a tinge of guilt for not fully paying attention, but my distractability is beyond my control. Anyhow, it's such a beautiful day outside. I'm gonna go running later.. for the sole purpose of clearing my head, or at least making a solid attempt to.